Happy Christmas

Happy Christmas, a little late.

Xss and I had a great time this year and perhaps started our own tradition. We are Christians so to us Christmas has some deeper meaning than a national holiday, and although it's unlikely that Jesus was actually born on this day, its as good as any other to celebrate such an event.

I think its important to remember that although God's benevolence was so great that he gave up someone so precious to him to prove his point, it is also important to remember how great a man Jesus was. One of my favourite verses is from Romans 5:7-8 states, ' It is a difficult thing for someone to die for a righteous person. It may even be that someone might dare to die for a good person. But God has shown us how much he loves us - it was while we were still sinners that Christ died for us!'

Christian or not this is a challenging statement. If there was a little girl standing in the road about to be hit by a car, would you save her and risk dying yourself? probably. What about if there was an adult man? maybe. But what if it was a teenage thug who you implicitly knew that as soon as you had saved him, and lay there dying on the ground, would turn around and shout, 'sucker. idiot. fool.' and continue on his way to rape and pillage, literally. would you die for him, likelihood not. Well, God suggests we should.

Having my sister die at Christmas (Christmas eve) has added a somber element to the season, and since i've gotten over the shock, i just overwhelmingly thankful for the 20 years i did get to spend with her, you've got to focus on the good things not the bad. Who knows how long she would have lived if she didnt die then? If we assume we have nothing, anything you get is a bonus. So turning this around I'm so thankful for everything i have in my life. So greatful, i dont think i need more, and i wouldnt mind dying. I've got stuff to do while I'm here, but if I've gotta go, no sweat. So our new tradition is to spend sometime Christmas morning with each other listing all the stuff we are thankful for, and there's a lot of it. One of them is you.

Recent compliments:

This week has been THE week for people complimenting my pregnant figure, it also coincides with me realising that not only is my bump growing, it has done such a good job of disguising my growing bottom and thighs that i didn't realise today until i put on some PJ shorts and they had turned into cycling shorts over night!

This week started off with someone at church saying:
- 'Your figure has really matured lately and you're growing into a woman' (?)
followed by two people at work saying:
- 'Oh, are you pregnant, you know i thought so from your face'.
The stream continues:
- ' You walk like a pregnant woman' - carrying two heavy bags of Morrisons shopping
- 'You breathe like a pregnant woman' - this when i was peacefully sitting in a car
and best of all to finish it off a lady in the card shop said:
- 'excuse me, sir'

I'm nervous as to what next week will bring.

Winning friends

Have you heard of 'Baby Brain'? I know it exists. I've seen it.

In an attempt to make friends with some girls for work (it sucks only knowing work related things about people) i decided to invite everyone to a quiz. So after 3 enthusiastic emails i managed to get a team together of 4 other girls from work, none of whom i know that well but was optimistic that wining a quiz would be a good way to break the ice. So we all met up in the cornershop well out of office hours, to buy our own alcohol and snacks (BYO) after having travelled in to town. We are in high spirits and wander into the quiz room already chatting and smiling. But it was eerily quiet, and the security guards were looking at us weird.

Of course, we're here for the quiz we jollily explain continuing on our path. Well, they all look at each other and actually laugh. 'The quiz is on next week'. But i am the most organised person in the world, i know this isn't true, its on today, stop kidding us. But why is it so quiet here?

Yes. The quiz is on next week. The shame. We all went out for a drink instead, but it wasn't the same and i think that was it, i think i blew my chance at getting to talk to any of them anymore than about joint clients and work situations, well except for joking about the non-existent quiz!

All's well that ends well... oh.

All is going well. So well that i haven't written on here as no one likes to read about everything going swimmingly. I honestly cant think of a single worry in my life. Well, if pushed I'd name the impending pushing of the watermelon through the grape sized hole but that's gonna happen no matter what- its a different kind of worry, inevitable, a bit like death.

Nesting instinct has kicked in i want new carpets, new sofa's, new paint, new mugs, new anything. As long as it matches. Is matching toothbrushes taking it too far?

I'm reading very little about pregnancy, as the stuff i do read scares me (why does it make me feel odd to know i have 50% more blood than i used to). There is also a never ending list of symptoms which if you have (insert evil super villain laugh here) you are reassured it will go after the birth. AFTER THE BIRTH, that's over 20 weeks away of this annoying symptom!

Here is what i am aware of so far:
- Bleeding gums
- stabbing pains in the groin area
- itching skin, including soles of the feet and palms (this drove me MAD one night last week- only 140 unbearable itching days left!)
- feeling dizzy when standing up
- backache
- heartburn
- constipation (imagine 5 months of constipation)
- dark patches on the skin
- nosebleeds

and that's only what i know from not reading! (Its my pregnancy thats making me a moaner.)

Things that God does-

I don't write about my faith on here perhaps as often as i should, as i prefer to converse about it, when people can ask questions and guide me with how much sense i am making. But then again, some people so far away might just enjoy reading about my recent reasons for liking God even more:

1) The twins stress. I REALLY wanted twins. I prayed for twins, and i believe that God will give you anything you ask for, so long as it doesnt conflict with Gods plans for you. So little details that are neither here nor there, i think he is happy to be petetioned about. So i prayed for twins, every night, for at least a fortnight when i found out i was pregnant. I went to my first scan (6 weeks) optimistic and hoping, only to find only one heart beat. :( Why. I was confused for a few days, but not really disappointed, and then i realised why. I was reluctant about getting pregnant, the changes it would make to my body, getting fat, anxious about coping with a baby, and trying to analyse whether i would become a good mother or if i would be desperate to return to work 6 weeks after the birth. I think God knew that i didnt really want twins, maybe even more than i did. I was so relieved when i realised the difference having only one baby would make. More sleep, half as many nappies to change, and slightly more time to myself to conterbalance my new baby centered life! I had been saved.

2) The fat issue. Its no secret that i used to be anorexic. This is a long time in my past, but still means that i like (need) to eat healthily and maintain a trim body size. I love my hip bones, my stomach, pretty much all of me, but on a bad day i can convience myself i look like a whale. So a small issue for me with this pregnancy is knowing i will get 'fat' and not being able to prevent it whilst still having a healthy baby. When i went to Liverpool two weekends ago i looked like me, when i came back on the Sunday night, i was a pregnant lady. The 'bump' (which isnt even the baby!) goes from below my pants line right up to my ribcage and its a perfect curve. I've had near panic attacks about how all my organs are going to fit in around the baby. So you cannot even imagine my joy when i found out this week that my manager is pregnant too! Not only is she pregnant, but she is slightly larger than me. So now for the whole of the rest of my pregnancy not only will i have someone else to grow larger with, someone will be slightly larger than me and can be used as evidence that i am comparatively small. Only God could have dreamed something so wonderful up!

I'm not Glowing!

I'm really not. I've been accused of this crime twice now, despite threatening to hit those involved. I can accept that i have now unfortunately begun to 'show' and some people seem to think i am also glowing. I disagree with this as when i think of glowing, i think of the glow worm toys we had as a child which suggest 'glowing' is similar to a plastic, pink, fluffy, muted, light bulb- if you know anything about me you will realise these words don't quite fit my image. Can anyone spread a more positive image of a pregnant glow?

In other news, i now look like a barrel around my waste, its a little scary as the bulge is right up to under my rib cage, it feels like in a few days my bulge will be reaching my chest and from there its not far to go for my throat!

Xss and I went for dinner the other night at Fire and Stone (the BEST pizza place in town) and whilst strolling through Covent Garden and appreciating the loveliness of London, we brought a few things. So Starbucks now has a Guns 'n' Roses t-shirt and two hoddies (one black, one white). I guess every parent is charged with buying and providing for their children until they are old enough to make their own preferences known. From what i know about Starbucks so far he likes:
Black
Stripy clothes
Guns 'n' Roses
bright colours
Potato
Play fighting
Ice cream
pirates
Norwich City
Trainers
Blue October
Mexican food
Football
Dr. Seuss

I wonder what he'll like when he's older, he'll probably end up as a complete conformist with a sensible haircut and a preference for polished shoes.

Food Glorious Food

Did i tell you the human life growing in me is called Starbucks temporarily? until he comes outside to meet us all. Starbucks has changed my body immensely already, my whole digestive track slowed down the day i found out i was pregnant, he gives me back ache despite being a fit and healthy kick boxer the week before, and bizarrely enough, he's completely overtaken my sense of taste- gone are the days when i enjoyed deep fried shrimp and a mug of tea with dipped in chocolate, the very thought makes me feel sick. Part of the current problem is that Starbucks appears to like very few foods, and has also turned me off lots of the nice healthy things i also liked to enjoy.

In summary food Starbucks likes (and this is pretty much exclusive):
Chips (but not too fatty ones- more like oven chips)
mash potato
crisps
cheese
milk
steak
apples
McDonald's Big Mac
And i often dream of the food i used to serve at Pedro's the Mexican restaurant in Norwich where you were required to wear a sombrero to eat your whole meal! quality.

Food Starbucks hates:
Tea!!
coffee
lettuce
carrots
chocolate
soup
vegetables

So is this official cravings? If so why don't they tell you that you get 'loathings' as well. i already feel like my body has been hijacked, how will i cope when he's clinging on to me screaming for my milk? Perhaps once he's out i can settle myself with tea and chocolate once again, and the world will be at rights once more :)

Oh the wonderful things Mr Seuss can do...

As we were sitting at lunch today with Big sis and Chess, and our baby nephew, the conversation inevitably turned towards our baby and plans we are making. Which made us think of all the plans we are not making. It is only 12 weeks after all. But then if you re-frame that, we are a third of the way there, and I'm only going to get bigger and more awkward. So this afternoon i was motivated to get going, well thinking at least. I'd like a nice nursery room: Which is a shock as i am rock and roll and always thought that i'd be happy with my baby sleeping in a cardboard box and bathing in a bucket (like my baby-parent friends at uni). But shock horror i am wanting all the 'luxuries' for this baby! - (that's not to say that i wont try to go mostly for secondhand 'luxuries'.)

In consultation with Xss we have agreed on a Dr Seuss theme for the baby's room. I've researched the material online so i plan to make some blankets and sheets, and cot padding things with it. What is a nicer way to welcome it than to make stuff for it.

I also looked up Dr Seuss quotes to put on the wall. There are several really good ones (see below). One of the many things i love about Seuss, other than his rhyming arrangement, is the way that his books explore some really complicated themes in a very simple manner. There's The Sneetches which tackles racism, The Lorax- Capitalism and environmentalism, The Grinch Who Stole Christmas- consumerism and materialism and lastly according to Wikipedia Horton Hears A Who which apparently deals with the bombing of Hiroshima! But they are not dark and are highly understandable.

Here's the quotes i am considering putting on the baby's wall:

'I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living'

' You have brains in your head, and feet in you shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who'll decide where you go'

'A person's a person no matter how small'

'Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. Its not.'

and best for a sleepy baby; ' You'll miss the best things if you keep your eyes shut'.

My Newest Adventure

Sorry its been so long since I've written on here, its not that I've had nothing to say, but more that i don't know how to say it. Since Xss and I have now travelled the world, and survived, we are a stronger team than ever. This October marks 10 years since we met and started sending carefully planned invites through comedically worded texts to each other resulting in copious amounts of snogging. Over this decade we have entwined with each other and shaped ourselves along the way (something that used to make me binge all night with fear, but when you are here and equally committed its not so bad).

Ok, enough gushing, but having got this base firmly established we feel that we are ready to start our family. Our next big adventure. So now world travelling has been replaced with baby making; temporarily. I am now 11 weeks pregnant, and full of anxiety for the future. Am i going to turn into someone who puts babies in blue nappies being delivered by storks all over my blog? Am i going to talk about breast feeding and cracked nipples to the cashier at Morrison's? Will i think my music taste will make my child demonic and ban all talent and apathy from my home!

Well, for the moment i have turned into a tired, burping machine. I feel like i can complain about the negative side effects of pregnancy as next time, I'll have to suck it up and get on with it, because I'll already have another child who wont patiently listen. But this time- well why not be accurate with my experiences, i know there is a club i am joining which says there are certain things you shouldn't share with the uninitiated (or unpregnated here) but well I'm not willing to prescribe to the 'isn't pregnancy wonderful and noble' image just yet. I am so tired i have to nap for half an hour after work each day, this has seriously curbed my going out behaviour, but luckily the timing coincided with several friends getting serious about their boys and wanting to be home more too. I only feel sick when i am tired or hungry, which is almost all the time i am awake. 'People' say this will be over soon, so I'm riding each day out sitting on the sofa burping and being fed by Xss, concentrating on not being sick. Glowing- i think not.

P.S Spinster keep this under your hat until i've finished applying for my SW training course

Sick note

I was off work with a stomach upset last week and have now had the difficult job of filling in a complicated electronic form logging my sickness with work rather than just casually telling my manger who was away. Most answers have to be provided by picking an answer from various drop down menu's. However, stomach bug wasn't listed and it certainly wasn't an infectious disease, so i chose the dignified version of it, Internal Dispute.

It wasn't until the form was submitted that i realised this means something significantly different and now its going to show up on my work records forever!

My new love

I absolutely LOVE Extreme Makeover home edition, a make over show from the USA which typically involves finding some wonderful needy family and knocking down their house and building them another one. I am no wuss but every time it almost brings me to tears. Each family seems genuinely lovely and the nicest most selfless people ever, but on top of that the American general public volunteer their time and effort to make it happen- hundreds of them. Its something we don't have in Britain, a society that will go out of its way to rally around someone in need. There are the odd people, but not en masse like in America. Its so brilliant and inspiring to see so many people who care about each other. A general recognition that people need help and no jealous or judgement- well why should they get a home and not me?

The show today had a lady who had escaped domestic violence with her 8 children and could only afford a two up two down house. It was poor quality, had flooded, had all second hand partly broken furniture and they had paid an electrician to improve some things and he'd made loads of holes in the walls and floors and then run off with the money. A team of volunteers and businesses donated time and products to build them a bigger house, get them a new car, pay off the rest of the mortgage and finally give them $100,000 college fund so the kids could go to university! They were so grateful, it was beautiful. I think most people can catch this show as i only have freeview. Its on 'Really' in the mornings.

Following the riots, i hope that the British public are beginning to realise that there is power in group action, and to recognise that an individuals voice can make a big difference when added to others. However, i wonder how long it will take them to realise this can be done to make good as well?

P.S i found Extreme makeover, UK edition on TV today. Vastly different show- individuals getting plastic surgery, haircuts and liposuction to make them physically more attractive! not quite the same loving buzz to this one. The British really need to up their game.

I love Peckham

Reason #142: When it rains African ladies go out wearing their shower caps. In the event of a precipitation emergency they will neatly tie a Tesco's carrier bag around their head like a bandanna if their shower cap is at home.

Cultures greatest passtime....

I am becoming increasingly aware that a growing number of articles are occuring in the press around the over sexualisation of children, actually that's wrong, the sexualisation of children full-stop. I'm sure its a hate of many, but obviously not enough else it wouldn't be happening. Well, post riot time when people are beginning to review and cross examine the problems endemic within society, i hope that this is one that comes under scrutiny.

For me this issue with making children sexualised, starts with making children adult. Often accompanied by the usual cries of, 'oh its harmless'. The daily mail ran an article on a french company which is making lingerie for children aged 4 and upwards. Interestingly some of the advertising photos which were in the article were already removed (one particular one of a girl in knickers and a shirt tied up to reveal her stomach lounging backwards on a chair pushing the focus on to areas that are not even developed yet on little girls): Suggesting to me that it is against our laws to put that photo up on the web, because some others less offensive remain.

The company has named/shamed itself as, 'Jours Apres Lunes', and written a defense which composes arguing that little girls like to dress up like mummy. However, children like to do many things which are not good for them, it doesn't make it right. But why are some mothers seemingly encouraging this one? Seems to me that many parents want their children to grow up and be like them for several reasons, I'd guess at 1) wanting to re-live their childhood again through their daughters, 2) finding that girls copying them validates themselves and boosts their self esteem, or 3) really wanting their children to grow up as soon as possible.

I'm not a parent so i cant really condemn these parents as much as I'd like as i haven't been there, but then these riots got me thinking. For too long have people got away with things, and perhaps even mistakenly thought that society agrees (since it doesn't ever say anything otherwise). I feel its now time i stopped 'going along' with this trend and instead of doing what i think is politely ignoring said problem, i feel challenged to be more vocal, and the next time i see a child made up in an adult way, sitting in the beauty salon at aged 5 getting her nails done or taking a child's pole dancing class (yes these exist in several places) I'll say something. Its a risk to offend a parent, but ultimately it is the child which will lose out if we don't help them. Its time society stopped 'keeping its nose out' and started to get involved.

London Town Riots

As it is impossible not to notice, there are riots in London (the worse it gets the more i think, 'this'll make a memorable story when i am old, 'oh those riots of '11''). However, it is not most of London, it is not the 'disempowered youth' of London, nor the immigrants nor the uprising against the budget cuts that affect the young. Boys just want to go out and smash up things and fight the police, simple as. Initially as i walked past my local Tesco closing early on my way home I'll admit i was scared and unbelievably sad. Things like this make me want to cry.

As we see pictures of burning buses near my offices, the shops in Peckham being looted and my whole house remain home all night in order to not get caught up in it, i am slowly fuming less and less. On reflecting on what it was that so greatly affected me with these kids rioting is, i realised it is that i cant believe these kids are so unintouch with who they are as individuals. These kids have such low self esteem and poor thought that they didn't think about what they are doing and are acting so illogically. I guess that is the fear also, how do you reason with the unreasonable?

These kids are not sending a message, they are not thinking for themselves and what this will ultimately mean for their future or their parents now. They cover their faces like cowards, if you have a point to make, do you not stand up proud and tall to make it, or do you pull your hood up and hide while you do it because you know that really what you are doing is wrong. They say they cannot get things, so they must loot for them. I say they cannot get things so they need to wait, get good grades and a job and then buy them like the rest of us. Children as young as ten have been seen wandering around masked and looting, and the police have begun asking parents to call their children home (nicely asked as if it will keep them safe, and not as if it would actually stop the riots when all the kids (who are the rioters go home).

Its a stark demonstration that many of us social workers already know, a growing proportion of parents cannot control their children, have not managed to establish in them a strong moral compass or sense of self. Many a child as young as eleven is out as late as they want, having sex with whomever they want and demanding new clothes and money and mobile phones when they need (and getting it).

My way to help society safely will be to gleefully identify as many as i can from the mug shots and tell the police. After all the police are too lenient and are typically perpetuating the parental relationships by letting the kids go with a warning, which is as good as saying, 'I'm gonna turn my back on this one'. Whatever happened to an instant 3 year prison sentence for anyone carrying a knife?? I've never seen one kid go down for that.

P.S new computer = unable to publish anything i've written at home? problem should be rectified soon. sorry.

Pride and Predjudice, or First Impressions?

We had a team away day this week as we are merging with a Youth Offending Team (YOT) due to budget cuts (somehow it saves money?). Therefore a whole glorious day was given over for us to get to spend some time getting to know our fellow team members and bond. I am useless at things like this, as you will see.

The first 'game' was to tell your partner a car or cartoon character that personifies yourself, which they will then feedback to the group and then everyone will know you. Ok well better than alliteration verbs: Lazy LE? Since i know nothing about cars and no cartoon character is quite as neurotic as myself i found it quite a challenge. I am also very naive at times, and it wasn't until we started to go around the room sharing our new friends' car soul that i realised everything being said was being turned into a sexual connotation and a euphemism for all relationships that person has.

There was raucous laughter at comments like, 'She's a ford, because she's cheap' or 'she thinks of herself as a mini as she is easy', even 'she's a Audi as she grips the corners well', etc etc. As this nightmare pans out before me, i know what I've already said to my new friend, and i know what towards the end of this circle she is going to loudly declare to everyone. Why oh why, did i think it was a good idea to say, 'oh, I'm not a car I'm a bike!'

That's barely even a euphemism, more like a direct statement, 'LE will sleep with anyone who wants a go'. Due to the volume of the laughter and loud catcalls, i never got to explain that i care about the environment and my health. Now all my new colleagues know my name, especially the men.

I love to boycott

I don't think I boycott a lot of things, I just think it's important to realize that how you spend your money is a lot like voting. If everyone buys a certain product it will not only be deemed as the best, it will also be advertised as such in order to attract other customers. With this in mind I am conscious that people are interested in what I buy. Since I did a hippy degree where every third person had dreads and we lost part of the class to a Greenpeace boat that set sail at the end of the first year (well one fruitarian who had added an 'O' to the end of his name to sound Spanish) i took up a lot more boycotts at University. This has resulted in me becoming a 29 year old who totally avoids certain shops and supermarket isles only to wonder if things have changed and I should be now buying these products in large volumes in aid of letting the company know I full-heartidly agree with their reform. If I don't, how will they ever know I was boycotting them? So on my year travelling i vowed to check up on the status' of them, as lets face it, it doesnt make life any easier. Below is a list of my beloved boycotts:

McDonald's- one of my first. Not only did they use polystyrene boxes for their burgers, they also sacked people who turned 18 and qualified for the minimum wage. This was witnessed first hand one summer when I made my fortune in my silver DM's sprayed black and a classy looking baseball cap in Gatwick Airport (south airside) McDonald's.

Gap - we all knew they used sweatshops and still they charged the earth.

North sea fish/any fish - it's unsustainable and reduces fish stocks that might never recover.

Nestle- my favourite, 'the baby killers', Nestle advertised powdered milk formulas to third world mothers in such an aggressive manner that many mothers bought it believing it to be the best start for their child, only for the combination of weak powder ( to make it last longer) and terrible water sources to kill the baby before it could even write a letter of complaint. This boycott also extends to every company that is owned by Nestle (which is about a third of the world) ( Rowntree's, L'oreal, Branston Pickle, Nescafe, Perrier, Nesquick, shredded wheat, yorkie and Felix, to name a few)

Starbucks- my most flippant. The idea was to boycott multinational companies (but this was the only one to make it onto my list!) as they were making local business's miss out. I have definitely retracted this one as the value of having a weak, syrupy coffee which tastes the same no matter what country you are in is, well, invaluable.

Battery Farmed chicken/eggs- not very glamorous, and hard to work out, but trying to avoid all chicken products that do not give the bird the quality of life i believe they deserve is still standing. However, oddly enough this standard does not apply to all animal life? I agree in principle that all animals i eat need to have been happy once, however how do you ascertain this? Is there a happy cow label?

Apple- they are just too smarmy for their own good. But then my alternative MP3 player broke and my I-Pod won my heart.

Australia - As you might know, Australia had a 'White Australia' policy for years and it wasn't until the 1980's sometime when black people were allowed to move to Australia.

So this weeks task is to work out if i should continue, or reinstate any of these! Is this a bit too much like moaning for you?

Could this be a budget cut?

At my time working for the council i realise that much money is lost through bureaucracy and protocol (usually put under the heading 'their rights' and used in regards to poor people), but just this week i came across the funniest waste of money ever. Coming from a background where you are expected to look after yourself (indeed i had my first job at 13 laying tables in an expensive hotel), i still cant get used to the reflection of this in the section of society that inverts my desire to look after myself by expecting the government to help them out with anything they need. Below is the best example (and true!) that i can find:

Sandy (14) and her unemployed mum live in a council house. They both receive disability allowance (£600 a month) along with job seekers, housing benefit, and child tax credit. Despite proclaiming to me, 'oh, we are clinical about our cleanliness', the house is so dirty that it needs industrial cleaning, and yes, the council pay for this, despite it being their dirt and lack of cleaning. However, the house is so bad that Sandy and her mum have to be put up in a B&B at the councils expense during this time. Alas they also have a dog, so he is sent to kennels- fully paid for the duration. On the day the family are due to return, they refuse to re-reside in their council house as they claim it is a health hazard- lets just revisit who made this mess -them. After much mobile phone chat backwards and forwards over a few weeks, after all none of this is inconveniencing them, it is decided that they must let the fumigators in, and then negotiate with them about what rotten furniture may remain and what must be thrown. In the end, negotiations were called off and everything was thrown away. So after a few more months of delay and negotiations about various minor issues, the family have been found a new, CLEAN house, with new furniture paid for by charities and the council.

So yes, these wastes of money happen everyday, what doesn't happen everyday, and led me to write this, is that whilst they lived in a B&B at the tax payers expense due to making their own house uninhabitable, and their dog was in kennels due to the B&B's rules, and despite them still receiving more in benefits that i do in salary- we paid for travel warrants (tickets) for them to go and visit their dog!!! How many visits does the council think is appropriate for this? I think none. Sorry dog. Not unless they want to use their easily waited for money to do it.

I've had it with this place

I'm fed up with work. Sometimes it seems that all my job is is to write down bad things that are happening to children. Sometimes once I've written these things down, we will all have a meeting and agree that these things are bad. Sometimes after these meetings we will come up with a plan to talk to someone about something in the hope that these bad incidences might reduce. But really all i seem to do is keep lists of bad things happening to really quite nice kids.

In this country a child cannot be removed from their parents until something really bad has actually happened to them. And this i understand as the incident has to stand up in the court of law. However, this can result in unhappy and unsteady situations continuing in terrible conditions until an ultimate bad thing will give social services the power to remove a child. In Australia you can remove a child if there is strong evidence that significant harm will happen to the child. Here we literally wait for SIGNIFICANT harm to happen to a child before we will consider removing it.

Similarly, if the parent is doing very little for the child, or is emotionally abusive but the child is not deemed to be being harmed significantly, ie not being sent to school and being out down all the time is not significant abuse, then they will continue on a Child Protection Plan for at least 2 years before a consideration for removal will be given, at this time then, the point will be considered that the child has now adapted in these two years and will no longer engage with social workers, nor is capable of significant change due to over two entrenched years of this living, so the situation continues. Where is the hope?

Do we hope for the harm or do we hope for the adaptation? Either way the out come is a significantly harmed adolescent.

Do they know its my towel set they are eating?

Since we've been back from travelling i feel like a millionaire. This is mostly because i now realise that i no longer have to save every month for travelling and less to do with actually having the money.

In combination with this, and my increased world awareness through being able to access the news on a daily basis recently; (In fact sometimes the news seems like a relief from my overly depressing job.) I am now unfortunately aware of the massive and overwhelming drought in East Africa (perhaps the worst for 60 years). Now i studied development studies in order to change the world, i learnt a lot during my time but really all it did was politicise everything and make even the most basic things, like a right to water, a battlefield of characters so self important and crucial to the world, that choosing anyone to champion change would also result in utter destruction for everyone or everything else.

But what to do about these poor starving people? Politic agendas and long term solutions aside, i just want to put my life on hold, fly out there and get a truck to drive them all to those crappy refuge camps. Its hard to comprehend the desperation of these people to walk 7 days without food and water with a final destination which uncannily resembles Glastonbury festival permanently existing with all those pill-poppers and partiers hemmed in by large metal fences and no flushing toilets, hand washing facilities and all there is to do is sit in piles of dirt and rubbish and wait for the unsanitary conditions and lack of food to eat you alive. In June up to 30,000 people were arriving at these refugee camps a week, and queuing to get in. These people are desperate to get into these fetid conditions because they are better than where they live with no rain.

I desperately want to help- but how much so you ask? Well, i feel like i should give every penny i have to them (mortgage and bills excluded) and perhaps that will buy my soul some peace. This would also mean a sacrifice of my longed for matching towel set (white for Xss and Grey for me): Which i can live with, well without. But this sacrifice seems silly as i will simply use next months pay to get them, and then feel bad; which is what led to many a ridiculous situation before we went travelling where i never buy said item at all, because i feel so bad that i can live such a stupidly privileged life that i do that i can buy things that match when i have perfectly functioning items already. So should i just never buy them, or buy them now with the starving peoples money? The end result is the same.

I guess one solution is to get my friends (say 4 of them with £11 each) to buy these new towels for me, and then i will have not wasted any money on them. But then again, if i have the power to convince my friends to give money away, i really should be encouraging them to give it to a charity that benefits the famine victims.

So as always, i wont buy them, I'll wait for some 'bonus' money to come along that cannot be given to charity for some bizarre reason. The money i am giving is going to either the Red Cross or the DEC, both of whom are great at getting the infrastructures set up very quickly and providing immediate relief for these people for whom each day counts. My towels can wait. Think about if you can spare any money, it really will save lives.

Back for good...

Well, I've returned to work for 10 days only and its like i never left. I am yet again back into the familiar situation of finding myself around a small table in a internal window lit room, with a couple of hostile parents and a sullen teenager who is in the process of being delivered into our care. My job is to get them to leave again as a happy family unit, the sooner the better. However, when the kids are badly behaved, they are very rarely apologetic either, and their goading and attitude doesn't help. This situation has happened three times this week.

My job is so full on that often i don't talk about it, as it so quickly ends up in these ridiculous stories that just seem unbelievable and a world away from the existence of me and my educated, healthy, loved, friends born into families with relatively few life altering traumas or histories. My second day back at work i left a house in a hurry as the 15 year old ADHD boy had begun pacing his empty house, hurling baseballs, tennis balls, coke bottles (in fact anything that moved easily) indiscriminately and swinging a baseball bat at the walls in a rage. These days things like this don't even raise any adrenalin in my system, i simply turned to my colleague and suggested we leave. We then called the police from a safe distance. Simply another visit to write up.

One of the great things about having been away for so long travelling, was that i forgot my kids. I was away for so long, i stopped worrying whether A would succeed in committing suicide, whether B had been sleeping rough, or whether S would remain in her foster placement. I forgot about it all, and it was glorious. But part of being a good social worker is caring about your clients, really caring, not just caring about what boxes they tick on your reports. On Thursday i met my first new client that made me care again, and started me on the slow emotional pull back into my job. Welcome back. I know caring makes you a better worker, but does it really have to hurt so much? This year is a new experiment to see if i can care, but not after 6pm at night. Can i be really involved in such vulnerable peoples lives and yet remain unaffected? This is yet to be seen.

I think i am successful in my job, if for no other reason than despite the fact that i work for 'the social' (often synonymous with 'the enemy') my clients still call me long after i have finished working with them to ask for help. When i finally got my work mobile answer machine running, there already on the machine was StaceyG's mum, asking me to call. When i phoned her back, she wanted help with locating a sixth form for her daughter to attend, and then suggested that we meet up sometime for me to see her now almost adult daughter. I probably wont meet them as its not accepted for a professional relationship to become anything else, but despite it not being my job to look for colleges, and even though i am really busy. I'll find her some courses and call her back, because i still haven't stopped caring about Stacey.

Whats going on ear then?

Did you know some people say that your ears never stop growing. So that's why old people have big ears. Well, apparently. Since this weekend has been crammed with visiting elderly relatives i thought I'd take advantage of the opportunity to test this theory.

First up my parents house. My mum's ears seem average, but my step-dads- well they are certainly big. I mean it makes sense in someways doesn't it. Gravity makes skin droop, there are not really any muscles supporting an earlobe are there?!

Today i went to see my Grandparents, and again, yes they both have copious amounts of ear. I didn't dare ask to measure them, but I'd like to challenge you to. Well, not measure my grandparents ears, but your own, and any old people you know. Write me your initials, age and ear size (measuring the left ear from highest point to lowest point -diagonally if necessary) and i will plot a graph, and get my stats loving flat mate to work out if it is dataorially significant (and yes that is a word).

On a funny note, when we went to see my Grandma in the Home, another old lady came up to Xss, obviously impressed with his looks and kept shuffling towards him closer and closer. Their heads were the same height with him sitting and her standing, and the magnetism she felt towards him meant she was unable to stop until she was an uncomfortable 40cm from him and seemed to shuffle closer with each question of hers he answered. I wasn't sure if she was going to try to kiss him, or just wanted a really good look at him. He coped with it well, and didn't even react when she pointed to his cream hooded jumper and stated, 'oh i used to have a cardigan like that'. I on the other hand was struggling to contain my chortles. I think she meant it as a compliment, and they moved on to discuss the lovely warmth a nice cardigan can bring.

Dont forget to measure your ears and post the results here. To get you started here are some i have collected:
Xss - 28yo, 69mm
LE - 28yo, 58mm

Nothing changes but you

I'm at home, in my flat, in my room, on my worn out old cumbersome computer (Rocky is his name) with my old bed covers and old radio alarm clock blaring out in red numbers that it is almost bed time. The windows next to the bed are still dusty and there are signs that the rain still seeps in under the window when the right angle of wind is teamed with a certain tenacity of rainfall. This allows a significant puddle to pool on the ledge, before occasionally plummeting to the floor in organised groups leaving a wet puddle near the bed in the carpet. But none of this is new, and although they are old problems that need fixing, none of these issues seem to be as pressing this week, the first in our flat, as THE towels.

Some people might label this 'nesting' or 'girlification' or simply just 'growing up', but really its just logic. It dawned on me as i was getting out of my first shower back in the flat, that the faded, flat, slightly mouldy smelling towel i was about to dry myself on was not as nice as the towels we were using when away. Not only was it worse than the towels in the lovely hotels we stayed in at the end, but it was even worse than the towels in the grubby hostels we had been staying in for $7 a night! Now i want new ones, ones in which visitors to our house will not have to think, 'well, its ugly but functional' but will actually enjoy using! I want matching towels, in two different colours, which match the paint work. And enough of them that we no longer need the towel with all the swimming badges sewn on down the side as back up. I am proud that i can swim 10meters, but i could always put a sign in the bathroom stating this instead.

However, this wanting nice things has now gotten out of control. I went into the kitchen and now i want new matching tea towels, and why stop there, perhaps matching tea caddies and sugar pot, that match the tea towels! I can even acknowledge that there is NO point whatsoever for having a tea caddy, but i want one. I got so carried away in the kitchen that now i have thrown away the kettle and toaster, in order to get matching ones (shiny and black), unfortunately the matching kettle was out of stock and now we have to boil water in a saucepan until it comes in, but when it does, why, you are going to be blown away by the neatness of my kitchen.

What else? The British weather!

I know i am home, as today when i went to meet Tx and Lovely in Green Park, i took a backpack containing a bikini, short skirt, hooded jumper, and waterproof coat. Its been so nice coming back to such nice weather, and has certainly eased our transition to 'non-traveller status' being able to sit in the Somerset sun enjoying the scenery in all its real colours. However, on this day trip to London (we don't move back until next week) the old annoying quandary of an impossible guessing game of what will the day bring and what should i be wearing in order to survive it began.

I needed none of the bag items, as it remained nice, but not too nice. It was great to see friends and be able to discuss anything i like. During the 300 days of Xss certain topics quickly were banned from conversation, i don't know why, but discussing what colour underwear i want to buy next (but not actually buying it), or what the optimum bra to matching pants ratio is.

The highlight of my Green Park adventure was recounting to Tx and Lovely the story of how Xss, in the amazon heat of Peru, licked an ice-cream ball off the top of his cone right onto the floor. At this time we all had our own 99 ice-creams, but as the story and consequent laughter progressed, Lovelys' flake fell to the floor due to the laughter vibrations travelling down her arm. Much laughter ensued and then disaster struck twice as my flake gravitated towards the floor also. I haven't laughed so hard in a long time.

Australia Evaluation 101

Australia

Likes: The space!, quaint painted store signs, wombats, hyperactive Platypus', Pin Oak Court (aka Ramsey Street), Nice people letting you stay and borrow their cars, seeing Stan happily married, Caramel Tim Tams, the green colour of the sea, Autumn tree colours,

Dislikes: Cafe's shutting at 5pm, trams holding up traffic, expensive food/hotels/everything, having to wear the same clothes every day since it was so cold,

Places visited: Melbourne, Halls Gap, Healesville, Apollo Bay, Redhill.

Number of times we wanted to come home: 0. Much too late for that. The threat of work is all too real.

Favourite Hostel: YHA in Halls Gap. No one else there and they offered to light the fire in the TV room to keep us warm.

Favourite Memory: Waking up the sunbathing Kangaroo's with Xss as we walked in the bush up a hill to see the views. The Kangaroos weren't that bothered by us and we could get really close, and they were MASSIVE.

Worst Day: Again its too late for that. Even standing in the rain and wind hungry and cold would be better than going back to work in a few weeks.

Favourite New Food/Drink: Andrews (our temporary landlord) curry. Brilliant. Otherwise, Fish and Chips from a fish and Chippery, where you choose your fish stake and they cook it fresh for you.

Best/Worst Smell: Xss. He's started wearing aftershave again.

Best/Worst Noise: The Silence. Bliss.

Number of times i tripped in Australia: 7

Number of times i fell over and rolled all the way onto my back: 1

Number of Kangaroos who now think i am weird: 3.

Weirdest Country Fact: You cannot close your hand around the Australian 50p, its just too big.
New thing learnt: In out of season places everything shuts early, so it makes your days really short!

Country Score: 101

We're on our way

'I’m coming home, I’m coming home. Tell the World I’m coming home. Let the rain wash away all the pain of yesterday, I know my kingdom awaits and they’ve forgiven my mistakes.' - J Cole.

So have i found myself travelling? That's easy, No. Because I've never lost myself. However, i am coming back as a mended version, which is odd as I've never considered myself broken. They say time is a great healer, but really i think actually simply having the time to think over things, to derive our root feelings about past situations and then make ourselves comfortable with them is the healer. I think one of the most challenging things about the Christian faith is not that you can be forgiven, unconditionally for anything you've done wrong, but accepting that you are really forgiven and forgiving yourself. We all make mistakes, and i hate that now days it is so popular for people to say they wouldn't change anything they've done in the past, particularly the bad as they have learnt from it all. I think this is a weird arrogance, as i don't believe that most people really mean this (do people not feel bad about things they should?) and its really better not to do the mean things in the first place. I think I'm comfortable with everything in my past right now, I'd blatantly change some things, but i cant, so need to move on, forgive myself, and get on with now again.

I have learnt a lot being away as when the only constant is you, its easier to identify yourself from your surroundings. There is so much i cant list but at the moment what i can think of is: I don't think I'm fat when i never have to dress smart; i am drawn to punk style clothing and i should embrace this more; i attribute too much value to social acceptance and not standing out; I like singing songs, mostly rock and roll, but also church songs; I feel that big shoes are as much a part of me as are my toes; I have escaped many a depression and despairing situation thanks to some brilliant friends; you can never be grateful enough for being born in a free country with free education; and i finally learnt that of the split buttons on the top of toilets to create a small and large flush- you should press the bigger section for a number 1.

'To acquire wisdom is to love oneself; People who cherish understanding will prosper' - Proverbs :9:8

Unfortunately, it seems the freedoms we have gained in our 296 days of being away have been facilitated by never having to keep appointments/schedules, being able to sleep when tired, eat when hungry, to always be able to see something new and to only ever have had 2 things on my 'to-do list'. These freedoms seem to be incompatible with community living. Its going to be hard going back to living by the clock.

We're off to see the wizard!

Australia to me seems like an old fashioned America. lots of space and amazing scenery and space, but little old quaint shops and coffee shops. Its hard to find anything to eat after 6pm out of Melbourne city!!

Anyway, we are having a good, cold, time and have made it to the nicest place in the world!

Nicky Clarke stalking the Dr. He didn't appear to be home.

We visited Ramsey Street (Pin Oak Court) the previous day but they were filming, so we couldn't see a thing and security kept us out. They knew a few rugby moves for when a fan starts running and shouting towards the actors! well, that's what they get paid for.

Today there was only one security guard (i had warned them i'd be back), sitting in the street alone. The place is tiny, just the houses we know from the show, and it was so quiet and calm, i loved it. It felt like home, and since in my naive head, i believe i know all the residents, it also felt like the safest place ever. I loved it, and i wanted to lay down on the tarmac rather than leave, but we had to get on to look for a wombat!

We found one, and she was called Florence. Its been a long time since i met PT Flea from Australia when i was 11 and he described this odd creature that we never have in our own zoo's- why? I've wondered for 17 years and now i know. Its like a book character coming to life!

Florence

I've been sensored

So Internet access in Vietnam and Hing Kong was not worth it, as all the sites we would usually log onto are banned. It was frustrating to be censored as we are aware of what is out there and that we cannot access it, i wonder if many Vietnamese feel like this, or if not knowing makes them less frustrated.

Vietnam was a wonderful mix of extremes, i doubt i will visit again, but some of the beaches were the quietest we have seen and some of the streets the busiest. I don't think i will forget rush hour in Hanoi! Xss and I got some items of clothing tailored in Hoi An, a tiny old town of tailors, cobblers and cafes. If you like Ubud, you'd like this. These items will be revealed when we go to an Australian Wedding as we are now no longer going to India.

We wanted to see India, but after the third person said to us, 'don't go', even though they knew it was on our trip and we were going we reviewed it. All these people also say, 'oh, i LOVE India, its great, the downside is that you can see people dying by the side of the road, or dead bodies, and the poverty is unbelievable but you get used to it'. Well, i'm not sure i want to see people nearly dying! how would i get anywhere, surely if you see someone in need of help you have to help. I'd spend our days running between dying people, feeding them money, in the form of notes so they don't choke. So when ex flatmate Stan emailed saying she was preggers and getting married on the 21st of May we changed our tickets to Kuala Lumpur, brought new flights to Australia and off we go. So now we are off to Australia for 8 days instead. I've always said i'd never go there, principally because their immigration laws have been so racist (up until 1981 you could not move to Australia if you were black!) but our love for Stan (who was an indescribably great flatmate) and the knowledge that a baby will prevent her from travelling over for the Olympics, our next agreed meet up, we had to go.

Things i want to do in Australia:
- See a Wombat
- Have a BBQ and cook Shrimps, and then say ' lets put another Shrimp on the Barby'
- See the street that Neighbours is filmed on (did you know i like Neighbours?)

We fly out tonight and I'm looking forward to seeing some films on the plane! Since we met a fellow English teacher in Siem Reap, she has offered us her flat to stay in, so its exciting to stay in a real Australian house. I wonder if they have XXXX beer in the fridge and a pool in the yard?

In other news, i got my haircut yesterday. Does anyone else persistently think that they look like Nicky Clarke every time they get their hair cut?

My new androgynous look. The necklaces are new too.

Vietnam Evaluation 203.1

Vietnam

likes: The old beautiful shop fronts of Hoi An, quiet long beaches, trying to cross the streets slowly (as if in a 1980's computer game) whilst trying to dodge the motorbikes,

Dislikes: People not knowing how to queue, no chains like Starbucks,

Days spent there: 17

Places visited: Ho Chi Min, Mui Ne, Nha Trang, Hoi An, Hanoi, Halong bay.

Number of times i wanted to come home: 0. Its way too late for that.

Favourite Hotel: Hanoi hotel called The Rising Dragon Hotel, old small rickity building with only 3 rooms on each floor, in the middle of the craziness of Hanoi.

Favourite Memory: Sitting on the long beach of Mui Ne near sunset, wandering in and out of the sea with no worries whatsoever, i could have stayed all night. perfect temperature, perfect surroundings, perfect company.

Worst Day: Again, its too late for this. Everyday, no matter how miserable is brilliant, when compared with being at work.

Favourite new food/drink: self wrapped spring rolls, with fresh salad and veg and a tasty dipping sauce.

Best Norwich City Victory: Getting into the position of KNOWING that NORWICH CITY ARE GOING UP! Premiership next season, after beating Portsmouth 1:0

Country Score: 203.1

Haviana good time...

Nowadays my life is on a track of calm, relaxed and bumbling. My main concern in life is how long Xss's eyebrow hairs will get when we are old and grey (they are pretty long and wild now), and the only time i feel anxiety is when a chip nearly falls off my dinner plate. So imagine the calamity which is my flipflops breaking!!!!! Arghhhhhh.

Really, it was funny and not stressful as we shuffled along the beautiful streets of Hoi An at a pace not even Xss could break a sweat in despite the 35 degree heat. The flipflop would stay on for about 8 steps before breaking again, or on particularly comical occasions, if i fell down a step on slight incline, both my shoes would break at the same time and we'd have to stop with me dancing on the very hot road trying to fix my shoes and minimise sole burnage.

Only hours before a shop worker had asked me if i wanted new shoes, to which i pointed to my at the time semi broken Haviana's and said, 'look i have these, i don't need more'. But now i do.

So having situated Xss at a cafe for lunch, i took his flipflops and set off to find anything i could to protect my feet. This is ironically a hard task in Hoi An, an old town filled with tailors and shoe makers. Since they make everything and it is their livelihood no-one sells the sort of plastic crops that are abundant elsewhere. I wasn't going to buy a pair or new leather boots so the search continued.

Eventually i found one stall in the market where they had a mountain of flipflops, of the swimming pool float variety, you know the ones which look like you would be able to walk on water in them. Helpfully everyone joins in in searching for a pair. After 3 minutes of searching, we had managed to find a left and a right foot of different designs and sizes, and it seemed like i would not be able to get anything better. So the bargaining began. She began at $7.5. haha.

It was hard to explain that i really did not want these mismatched (one was black with a tiger picture on the other was green with a dollar bill design) shoes, especially for this much, but i needed something. But need drives a market, so we continued in a jovial way, negotiating my rip off. Eventually we settled on $3 and i managed to find a matching pair!!!!!! Same size!

It is irrelevant that they have a picture of Lional Messi on, and that i am not sure who he is. But some of the kids i work with think he is cool, so i'm happy. i'm now bouncing around in my lovely Lional Messi shoes, who needs Haviana's!

Cambodia Evaluation 223.123

Cambodia

Likes: Siem Reap, Dr Fish fish spa, roof top pools, Tx visiting, Bayon Temple, $1 yellow noodles in the market, my students, ever-so friendly yet not intruding locals, having a table full of poor children join us for dinner around one table in the market and seeing their many tricks and jokes, night buses with bunk beds aboard.

Dislikes: Powercuts which stop the fans and a/c, having such a mixed ability in my teaching class, seeing so many landmine victims, seeing naked crying babies begging with their siblings, the killing fields,

Sunrises missed: 34

Places visited: Siem Reap, Phnom Penh, Sihanoukville

Number of times i wanted to come home: 1. It would be fun to see the royal wedding and have a tea and scones celebration wouldn't it?

Favourite hotel: Golden Sands, Sihanokville- nice big pool and sunbeds in the shade.
Favourite memory: Cycling to school along muddy back roads in the shade with babies and adults alike shouting hello at us.
Worst day: One evening when we were in the market eating dinner (every dish costs $1-1.25) and some western boys spent a while haggling with the owner to discount their cans of beer. She could not give it to them for 50cents so they left and she felt bad. So obviously so, that we appologised and told her that we understood and that her prices were good prices. She was deflated though and continued to express dismay and appologise that she could not discount the beer that much as it costs more. Where do these boys think think this little market stall in the street with rickety cracked plastic chairs spend all their money? Do they not realise it is almost hand to mouth at this stall? 10meters away is a whole street of resturants that do draft beer for 50cents, go there! However, they continued down the line of similar stalls to ours, haggling away trying to get 50cent beer, but never being offered it whilst the stall holders get sadder and more frustrated.

Favourite new food or drink: Lemon Juice with sugar and Beef Loklak (with plenty of whole green pepper corns).

Best/worst smell: Fish sauce. Why.....?

Best/worst noise: Wonderful and horrible all in one- each wedding would play VERY loud music from morning til night, initially kind of fun to hear as you walk along, less so when you are still trying to sleep at 5am.

Pictures taken before Tx arrived: 17

Pictures taken by Tx: 223
Number of times we said 'Wow' as we walked around Angkor Wat and similar temples: 4,million.

Number of times Xss got a massive bump on his head and a cut from hitting the bottom of the pool whilst trying to do 'no limbs swimming': 1 very funny time. He's fine now.

Best Norwich City Victory: 5:1 against Ipswich. yippee.
Weirdest country fact: Cambodia's 24 hour clock starts at midday and ends at midnigt. A little disorientating when displayed on a night bus.
New thing learnt: When you are away from home there is much less to worry and stress about. Nowdays it is stressful if we have to fit in more than two activities in one day! Oh, its going to be tough going home and managing work. I think i will boycott less things when i am home also. I will pick a few key ones, and leave the rest. Life is too short to be over analysing all these minor decisions when there are so many major ones around.
Country Score: 223.123

All change at the border

We have made it to Vietnam, and yet again how different it is to its neighbouring country, Cambodia. The change happened almost instantaneously. We got off the bus at the Cambodian side, paid our overdue fee's as we has overstayed by 3 days. All very civil, nice, quiet, calm. Got on the bus again, and got off 100meters later at the Vietnamese check point. All very confusing as the coach driver kept all of our passports and insisited on handing them out to us by calling out our names, in a Cambodian accent. Xss and I were called forward on a strangled version of 'Edward?' his middle name.

So we drove off from here onwards to Ho Chi Minh, but no we had another check point 10 meters further on. A very offical and military Vietnamese man got on, no smiles and deamnded to see all our passports again. He was not friendly but abrupt and curt. there was an air of seriousness about him that made you stiffle your giggles. Well, no-one had lost their passports over this 10 meter gap so we continued on our way. As we drove off again, the black stage of dusk set in, Brothers in Arms came onto my eye pod, and they were burning the fields off to the right of us. What better setting than to gaze out of the window looking for left over tanks from the Vietnam war!

Since we have so little time left, we are trying to make the most of it so have been on numerous day trips and have had very little sitting around (although we have slept in until 12noon at least two days). First we went to the Chu Ce tunnels where the VietCong hid from the americans during the war. They had made the tunnels bigger so that us westerns could fit down, and i could run along them quite comfortably if i bent over 90degrees at the waist. However the real holes i would of had to crawl down on all fours, and with over 100km of them, and some dug at depths of 10 meters down i think i would have been acused of helping the Americans when i died of a panic attack and blocked the way.

Ho Chi Min seemed like just another big city so we went to the 'War Remnants Museum' formally called 'The Museum of Chinese and American War Crimes' and then left for the beach side towns. The Museum was intersting and i learnt a lot, but now different from their neighbours Cambodia! Here were all these stories of resistance, Hero mother (mothers who were honoured for losing several sons to the war effort), and documentation of all the crimes of the Americans. Nothing on their part or their strategies, but how they had been picked on, withstood adversity and had come back fighting. Vietnam was not down for long, infact it seems that the war and agressive bombing hardly got them down at the time despite 3 millions people dying (only 1million were fighters the rest were women and children).

Well, now we are leaving the beach again for more culture in Hoi An, we are going by train which i am very excited about! I dont really know why this seems exciting but it is.