So have i found myself travelling? That's easy, No. Because I've never lost myself. However, i am coming back as a mended version, which is odd as I've never considered myself broken. They say time is a great healer, but really i think actually simply having the time to think over things, to derive our root feelings about past situations and then make ourselves comfortable with them is the healer. I think one of the most challenging things about the Christian faith is not that you can be forgiven, unconditionally for anything you've done wrong, but accepting that you are really forgiven and forgiving yourself. We all make mistakes, and i hate that now days it is so popular for people to say they wouldn't change anything they've done in the past, particularly the bad as they have learnt from it all. I think this is a weird arrogance, as i don't believe that most people really mean this (do people not feel bad about things they should?) and its really better not to do the mean things in the first place. I think I'm comfortable with everything in my past right now, I'd blatantly change some things, but i cant, so need to move on, forgive myself, and get on with now again.
I have learnt a lot being away as when the only constant is you, its easier to identify yourself from your surroundings. There is so much i cant list but at the moment what i can think of is: I don't think I'm fat when i never have to dress smart; i am drawn to punk style clothing and i should embrace this more; i attribute too much value to social acceptance and not standing out; I like singing songs, mostly rock and roll, but also church songs; I feel that big shoes are as much a part of me as are my toes; I have escaped many a depression and despairing situation thanks to some brilliant friends; you can never be grateful enough for being born in a free country with free education; and i finally learnt that of the split buttons on the top of toilets to create a small and large flush- you should press the bigger section for a number 1.
'To acquire wisdom is to love oneself; People who cherish understanding will prosper' - Proverbs :9:8
Unfortunately, it seems the freedoms we have gained in our 296 days of being away have been facilitated by never having to keep appointments/schedules, being able to sleep when tired, eat when hungry, to always be able to see something new and to only ever have had 2 things on my 'to-do list'. These freedoms seem to be incompatible with community living. Its going to be hard going back to living by the clock.
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