Not the best parent

Dont tell Xss about this post, but sometimes i am not always right. Sometime his parenting is better than mine. Often in fact.

This evening i was going out to my sewing course and they hadn't finished their dinner. I kissed them goodbye at the table and walked down the hall to put on my shoes. Xss allowed them both to get down from the table and come down to the front door where it was cold. Cookie had barely any clothes on (its a stage) and neither had eaten their veg. I was obviously against this idea.

As they came, wearing matching PJ's they had just located in the Christmas boxes, they begun making noises like walrus'. The walked in a line, and they found it very funny. three members of my family wearing the same clothes, walking in a line making walrus noises and laughing.

I am not always right. I did not agree with this joyous moment happening, but it has created a memory i will never forget.

Before dinner shots.

Hero

Cookie is getting too big for her boots, so we are going to get someone to fill them in May.

(incase this is unclear - we are having another baby... in May, Hooray)

letting the 'side' down

The other day as i was driving down my street and a team of men was hard at work sweeping the dead autumnal leaves away. It looked like hard physical work and annoying too as they had to get the piles of them out from between each parked car.

After i had passed them i thought about how it would have been nice to show them how much i appreciated their hard work, and i happened to have a card in my bag containing £80 (buying a pushchair off of someone), that would make about a tenner tip each. Ah well. If the opportunity presents itself again then i'll definitely do it.

Side note- i hate that only certain roles in society are suggested as tip-able and think it should be open to all. However if you are the only one doing this then the 30p you give the newsagent for the pint of milk and off the cuff joke, or the £1 you  give the receptionist at the local children's centre seems to take on a level of financial scrutiny that makes it almost negative. I think this can be over come by always giving chocolate instead. I have still not managed to give the bus driver a chocolate bar tip yet, for the reasons listed below....

So half a day later and i drove back to my house, and the same group of men was nearing the end of the road, and the same card was now on my dashboard, so did i give them a tip? No. big fat no. And i feel like i let 'the side' down. Why did i not just hastily rip open the card, wind down the window and give it to the nearest worker, shouting 'thank you!' as i drove off never to be seen again. The main emotion i felt when i saw them again and realised the moment was upon me was embarrassment. Is it embarrassing to say thank you? to show appreciation for another person doing a good job which benefits me??? why did i not stop. Goffman talks about having a private (real?) self and a public self, and that we all put on an act in front of others. Would giving this tip have laid me bare too much, would i have been giving away too much of my private self to these unknown men? who knows. Yet again i left the situation vowing to act on my gut (or in my opinion God's lead) NEXT time. But despite my uncomfortable guilty feelings, i almost definitely know i wont.