I finished work! I am unashamedly smug about it. I've been back less than a year from travelling, and i am off again for another year! Since i don't yet have a baby and can't really comprehend what it might be like to have a small baby dominating my life, it seems a bit of a cheat. I've got a year off with nothing to do......... haha.
It couldn't come soon enough, and for an unusual reason for me. I think mostly because i am pregnant and feeling protective over Starbucks (but could also be because i am a rational human being) i was glad that i no longer have to visit Peck'narm everyday. Sometimes its great to work in one of the worst places in London, at least you get the really gritty tough cases. But then the weekend before last, a 30 year old women got shot when she was caught in a gun fight between two adult male gang members. My go to with this is well, its highly unlikely to be me. However, if this wasn't a Sunday, it could well have been me. She was my age, on a street I walk down most days, and at a time when i might well have been there (5:15pm). We know there are large gang problems in Peckham, but it usually remains contained to them hurting each other, which while not great, neatly confines the problem.
On top of this on the day i finished the whole office was allowed to go home early. Orders were to make sure we were all well out of the building at 5pm and away from Peck'narm as the previous night a gang fight had erupted on the derelict land outside our office doors and they were concerned that people were already cumulating for another night of trouble. We only get to leave an hour early once a year, on New Years Eve, if we are very well behaved. So for our employer to consider it serious enough to send the whole office home had me worried. Its one thing to hurt each other, another to be hurting others who are simply walking by (there's no back gate to the office).
I think i am also simply disappointed that since we have seen less and less gang kids recently in our service, i thought we might be winning in combating the stupid dynamics of the 'gangs' of south London. [Isn't that why the government have stopped funding gangs disruption work after only two years of funding.]
In good news though, there are so many beautiful tree's out in bloom shouting out 'SPRING' in spectacular style around London. Often on a urban backdrop of brick and dereliction on the estates, that the contrast makes them even more stunning. I'll upload some here soon.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Thursday, March 15, 2012
35 weeks....
8 months of pregnancy and i have perfected the hic-burp loud enough for a 5 meter perimiter to hear!
Monday, March 12, 2012
A badge that i'm not sure i want to wear
The sun is glaring in through the window.
The heating is still on full tilt in our office.
And i am ridiculously hot.
So i went out to lunch in just my t-shirt. This was a new experience for me, out there, with my pregnant belly protruding out front, no hiding it, no mistaking it for fat. There is a baby being pushed along in front of me.
I felt oddly uncomfortable with this situation, like i was wearing a t-shirt with a slogan on that i was not convinced that i agreed with. Wandering along putting a message out there when no message was intended. Does this mean i am not proud of being pregnant- yes. Am i proud of my baby? well, no she's not done anything yet. I think that some people feel it is an achievement to be pregnant, and i oppose this. strongly. There is nothing clever, admirable or noble about getting pregnant, it just takes some unprotected sex, you don't even have to be attracted to the other person. Is it weird that this puts me off being pregnant and proud? But i don't want to be wrongly construed and labelled, perhaps if i've done a good job of motherhood then i'd like some approving glances, but for growing a grub, no.
i think too much.
The heating is still on full tilt in our office.
And i am ridiculously hot.
So i went out to lunch in just my t-shirt. This was a new experience for me, out there, with my pregnant belly protruding out front, no hiding it, no mistaking it for fat. There is a baby being pushed along in front of me.
I felt oddly uncomfortable with this situation, like i was wearing a t-shirt with a slogan on that i was not convinced that i agreed with. Wandering along putting a message out there when no message was intended. Does this mean i am not proud of being pregnant- yes. Am i proud of my baby? well, no she's not done anything yet. I think that some people feel it is an achievement to be pregnant, and i oppose this. strongly. There is nothing clever, admirable or noble about getting pregnant, it just takes some unprotected sex, you don't even have to be attracted to the other person. Is it weird that this puts me off being pregnant and proud? But i don't want to be wrongly construed and labelled, perhaps if i've done a good job of motherhood then i'd like some approving glances, but for growing a grub, no.
i think too much.
Wednesday, March 07, 2012
How i know i've 'made it' in social services.......
There was a time when i considered how I'd know when I'd made it in the world of social work?
I came up with a few things- one was if i managed to convince a client to go to Starbucks with me, and i could then reclaim it on expenses, and this might be the closest I'd ever get to a BONUS. We regularly take our teenagers to McDonald's, or such like, in order to find a neutral environment to talk with them, somewhere they feel comfortable and able to verbalise what they are thinking freely without fear of being cut down midstream. This works really well, and i do enjoy a Big Mac, but what i really love is a Starbucks. This is a massive challenge as the culture change from McDonald's to Starbucks is gigantic. Almost 100% of my clients could not 'afford' Starbucks, do not live near one and kids don't drink coffee. So imagine my delight when i have managed to find one older, teenager who does like coffee and chose to meet me at Starbucks for our first session!! score. We have continued in this thread ever since and i love it. I go to work in Starbucks. If I'm feeling indulgent I'll also have a muffin (apple and cinnamon!)
Another previous massive achievement in my books was getting a card from a client. It simply said 'Thanks' but it means a lot to me, and has been posted above my desk for the years since. That's right, over the 4.5 years i have worked here, I've received 1 card. One. So the reason i think this one is so epic is that its so hard to get people in crisis, who don't agree with what you are saying, and generally don't want to work with you, to understand that in fact, yes, you are a human too. I don't want them to get this too much, to know about me so much that they worry or see me as limited and faulted, but enough to realise that perhaps i think about them and have other emotions that i don't display to them.
So now I've made it. Today a client (parent type) came to see me in the office. Not only did she bring me a present, but also a card. I'm much more emotional now i am pregnant, so i nearly cried. She got the baby a baby grow, vest and hat. She not only knows i am human, but knows my baby will be too. I am so so very grateful to this lady, I'd love to break all protocol and reach out to her in so many ways. But this would not be helpful to her, so i wont. She doesn't need to know I'm worried and vulnerable too.
But I'm smug. I've made it. If only this was a way that they measured good workers, rather than how often you fill in forms and if they are done by a certain time frame. By the quality of relationships you manage to create with clients, even those that you have to give bad news and disagree with.
I came up with a few things- one was if i managed to convince a client to go to Starbucks with me, and i could then reclaim it on expenses, and this might be the closest I'd ever get to a BONUS. We regularly take our teenagers to McDonald's, or such like, in order to find a neutral environment to talk with them, somewhere they feel comfortable and able to verbalise what they are thinking freely without fear of being cut down midstream. This works really well, and i do enjoy a Big Mac, but what i really love is a Starbucks. This is a massive challenge as the culture change from McDonald's to Starbucks is gigantic. Almost 100% of my clients could not 'afford' Starbucks, do not live near one and kids don't drink coffee. So imagine my delight when i have managed to find one older, teenager who does like coffee and chose to meet me at Starbucks for our first session!! score. We have continued in this thread ever since and i love it. I go to work in Starbucks. If I'm feeling indulgent I'll also have a muffin (apple and cinnamon!)
Another previous massive achievement in my books was getting a card from a client. It simply said 'Thanks' but it means a lot to me, and has been posted above my desk for the years since. That's right, over the 4.5 years i have worked here, I've received 1 card. One. So the reason i think this one is so epic is that its so hard to get people in crisis, who don't agree with what you are saying, and generally don't want to work with you, to understand that in fact, yes, you are a human too. I don't want them to get this too much, to know about me so much that they worry or see me as limited and faulted, but enough to realise that perhaps i think about them and have other emotions that i don't display to them.
So now I've made it. Today a client (parent type) came to see me in the office. Not only did she bring me a present, but also a card. I'm much more emotional now i am pregnant, so i nearly cried. She got the baby a baby grow, vest and hat. She not only knows i am human, but knows my baby will be too. I am so so very grateful to this lady, I'd love to break all protocol and reach out to her in so many ways. But this would not be helpful to her, so i wont. She doesn't need to know I'm worried and vulnerable too.
But I'm smug. I've made it. If only this was a way that they measured good workers, rather than how often you fill in forms and if they are done by a certain time frame. By the quality of relationships you manage to create with clients, even those that you have to give bad news and disagree with.
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