How long will i love you? As long as the stars are above you.
It's been 17 months and i am taking hesitant steps to recognising my grief. (I think in pictures:)
I have a huge rectangular hole cut out of my sheet metal torso.
You can see through me where the hole is.
It was severed in a matter of minutes by a very large circular saw.
It hurt so much i was numbed by the pain.
I picture you climbing over the banisters, noose in hand.
I picture you calm, and at peace in your actions.
Balancing on the wrong side, silent with fingers sweating in concentration.
how long will i love you? longer, if i can.
People say all sorts of cliche's, like time is a great healer.
But its only now that i realise that there's a gaping great hole in me.
One that i am unable to tell if it is mending or still as big as ever because i am so numb.
I long for the day i can tentatively gentle feel around the sharp jagged edges of this wound.
To hurt myself a new, feeling the hundreds of smaller details of this terrible void.
Defining the edges
Raking into the nothingness to quantify it.
Only once i have a wound can i become accustomed to it.
Only once i can define this can i move forward.
How long will i love you? forever.
