I don't write about my faith on here perhaps as often as i should, as i prefer to converse about it, when people can ask questions and guide me with how much sense i am making. But then again, some people so far away might just enjoy reading about my recent reasons for liking God even more:
1) The twins stress. I REALLY wanted twins. I prayed for twins, and i believe that God will give you anything you ask for, so long as it doesnt conflict with Gods plans for you. So little details that are neither here nor there, i think he is happy to be petetioned about. So i prayed for twins, every night, for at least a fortnight when i found out i was pregnant. I went to my first scan (6 weeks) optimistic and hoping, only to find only one heart beat. :( Why. I was confused for a few days, but not really disappointed, and then i realised why. I was reluctant about getting pregnant, the changes it would make to my body, getting fat, anxious about coping with a baby, and trying to analyse whether i would become a good mother or if i would be desperate to return to work 6 weeks after the birth. I think God knew that i didnt really want twins, maybe even more than i did. I was so relieved when i realised the difference having only one baby would make. More sleep, half as many nappies to change, and slightly more time to myself to conterbalance my new baby centered life! I had been saved.
2) The fat issue. Its no secret that i used to be anorexic. This is a long time in my past, but still means that i like (need) to eat healthily and maintain a trim body size. I love my hip bones, my stomach, pretty much all of me, but on a bad day i can convience myself i look like a whale. So a small issue for me with this pregnancy is knowing i will get 'fat' and not being able to prevent it whilst still having a healthy baby. When i went to Liverpool two weekends ago i looked like me, when i came back on the Sunday night, i was a pregnant lady. The 'bump' (which isnt even the baby!) goes from below my pants line right up to my ribcage and its a perfect curve. I've had near panic attacks about how all my organs are going to fit in around the baby. So you cannot even imagine my joy when i found out this week that my manager is pregnant too! Not only is she pregnant, but she is slightly larger than me. So now for the whole of the rest of my pregnancy not only will i have someone else to grow larger with, someone will be slightly larger than me and can be used as evidence that i am comparatively small. Only God could have dreamed something so wonderful up!
1 comment:
What a coincidence. I've greatly reduced my blog reading, but I just happened to check my reader to make sure that it wasn't cluttered and lo & behold, a new post from you shows up on the reader.
It's not so noticeable that one can tell because (speaking for myself) aside from reading this, I wouldn't have known. But looking back at certain things, I can now see that I missed 1 or 2 signs of you having a bun in the oven.
I've not read your blog from the very beginning and, therefore, didn't know about your battle with anorexia. Remember that when it comes to pregnancy, your body won't be the only thing that changes. Your mind likely will too. Embrace both forms of change.
Now, it's time for you to get some fashionable maternity clothes..... or clothes in my size. :-| ;-)
P.S. I'll try to not to smirk too hard when you decide to tell the team, like "I knew before YOU did, gossip queen!" *cackling*
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