I've tried to access counselling, which took me a long time. The most part of this was taken up with me trying to decide if i needed counselling and what i would say if someone asked me why i wanted it on a good day, when i was in a good mood and felt like i didn't need it.
However, the frequency of which i go from happy as a frog in a thunderstorm to angry enough to want to flying kick every door that ever lived, pushed me to do it. So i called the 'help' line. The lady was nice enough, and we went through the depression and anxiety questionnaires. She then told me that i qualified for four telephone counselling sessions. Everyone qualifies for these.
Despite telling the lady that i did not think that i wanted to do telephone sessions, she insisted i try it as a first step. So my counsellor called me, when i was walking along the southbank one night going to dinner. We discussed when he could call me for my first session, and i again explained that i did not feel comfortable with this. He again, didn't really seem to listen, and i agreed he could call me next Wednesday. Ah-ha. I am not even assertive enough to tell my counsellor, the man i am hoping can help and empower me, that i did not want to do this. Damn.
So, he then called me again another day to rearrange as he had a different open time slot, on a day i had already told him i cannot do. Illustrating that the only thing we had already talked about, he did not listen to. So that was it and i just said no, this is not meeting my needs. I think he was busy as he just accepted it this time.
To conclude it all, they then sent me a feedback form on the service, a prepaid postcard. Great, confidential counselling feedback on a postcard. hahaha. So all in all the counselling has disempowered me, illustrated how weak i am, and put me off asking for help. EVER AGAIN.
How come i work in a job where emotions are important, relationships are crucial and i do direct face-to-face work with individuals because it is generally recognised by..... the world...... that body language, non-verbal communication, and feeling valued and respected are key aspects in communicating with people.
Luckily, i have lots of great friends, and a faith in a God who has confidence in me, so I'll be fine. I have to be. There's no time in life for breakdowns!
P.S Sent a text to True to apologise for not calling and letting her know that i still care but feel overwhelmed. Despite having a life, AND a baby, she called me immediately. She is so lovely. Seriously, i want to be her. How can someone always be so calm and reliable, yet fun and joyful?
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