Saying Goodbye

Yesterday i finished work and said goodbye to my colleagues. I don't like hugs or emotional outbursts (except for teenage ones, like 'i hate you all, goodbye!' said as storming through a doorway and slamming it as punctuation (note to self this is unacceptable as a 'goodbye' to adults i know) but as i walked away from work i realised that the folk there aren't so much colleagues or people who tolerate me and my incessant chatter about Jordan, but possibly, actually, really, friends. I will miss Junior, Rowl and N-Man a lot. Its a shame to leave a job with a good team, as really its the people that make the job isn't it. That's why i left my minimum wage job at McDonalds, people just weren't getting me!

I also went to church for the last time the day before, and they were talking about missing me and XSS too. Its weird being the one going away as in many ways i want to implore people to not go, but its me going, and people are making it sad. Its unspoken, but no-one believes that life will be the same when we get back. There is a distinct feeling of mourning, for all that is good in our lives. Not to put a downer on things, but i guess times change, other people will move on, and it will not be the same as now, not worse, just different (that's what people say when really they mean worse).

As i sat on the bus inching away from Peckham past the numerous houses i have been in, and got to know very well. I feel like i am walking away from the responsibility that i have taken on during my time there. I often feel i have to stop ALL the kids stabbing each other and to help each vulnerable unfulfilled one i see. I know a lot of people don't think it is their responsibility to help sort out these kids, it is not popular to suggest that adults interrupt kids with knives fighting, and we can all blame the demise of society for hurting our kids. But as i step away i am renewed with the belief that the primary people who should be working on these issues are the parents of the ones hurt OR hurting (everyone seems to ask why the police don't stop it instead of looking to themselves).Why doesn't every adult who knows a kid take on responsibility for them? It'd only be a few each rather than expecting the police, schools and social services to be responsible for them all once they've reached a threshold of 'mucked-up-ness

Really though, in a very selfish way, i am hoping that by going away i can leave behind the emotional burden of this, and enjoy another countries youth: I bet the luggage will be waiting for me when i get back, but that's ok.

I'm looking forward to going, but also very nervous. Its hard for me to decide quite what i am worried about but here is what i can deduce:

- Will i be too hot?

- Will the toilets be ok for a number 2?

- Will i get bored?

That's it! Humans are so stupid.