In Mourning

Happy has been a challenge to me this week. I thought it might be a challenge when i started, as i very much live in the real world. Its not fluffy, and its not nice. kids get raped by HIV positive gang members everyday (frank, but true). Most days i feel like i am addressing this though (through very minor steps!) but this week just sucked and i did nothing but moan,

The good thing about trying to record 52 weeks of happy however, is that when you are miserable it often highlights just how lucky you are, or were.

This week sucked because i realised i have no friends. And although this is somewhat driven by a teenage-style over dramatic tantrum, it is also somewhat true. I do have numerous great friends, that i am limited in my ability to see. Either they live far away, they also have children so a conversation is nigh on impossible around all the kids, they are dealing with stuff in their own lives.. the list goes on.

This week i realised that my favourite two mummy friends are moving away in September. Coupled with seeing very little of my London-friends-without-kids, i then came to the realisation that i have no friends at work. This adds up to a prospective September of seeing no-one on my two days off with Starbucks, speaking with no-one in my 3 days of work at the office, and seeing no-one in the evenings and weekends, apart from Xss and Starbucks. I'll admit it, i cried.

So where is the silver lining in this moan? Did my tears give the chocolate bar i was comfort indulging in, a salty/sweet combo that could be sold for marketed for millions? No. But it made me realise just how much i loved my old job, especially my colleagues.

Work makes up a huge percentage of your identity. Or i should say, what you do with your day time is a large part of who you are. For 5/7ths of my life before Starbucks i was a worker on a close knit team. I knew what to do, and i enjoyed doing it. When i was in the office i could discuss cases with colleagues if i was stuck, i could have a joke if i was down. I could phone any of them when i was on the street and ask them to look up a phone number or give me directions or guidance. There were numerous lunch time options. Takeaway could be communally ordered. We created games, ongoing jokes, discussed ways to make work better. My manager was my friend. I was good at what i did, and people told me this.

4/52 Happy? Having had the opportunity to work in a brilliant, well organised job with inspiring people who worked for the same goals as myself.