30 Rocks.

Today would have been my sisters 30th birthday if she hadn't of floundered at 26, and left. To be honest my primary emotion at this time is to be ever so thankful that i got to grow up having a sister and knew her for those 26 years. I'm not one to claim that she was the most wonderful person, she would delete peoples numbers from her phone if they did not reply to a text. But to me she was a really calming person, and you can never have enough of them around.

When i was a teenager i would go across to her room and fall sleep on her bed in the afternoons whilst she went about her life around her room. She was also incredibly strong and never complained about her own health or trials. She didn't have much money, but she diligently worked away to support herself and Leo, and when Leo was born she had contractions all night, and then politely called me in the morning at 8am to ask if i was busy that day, and if not would i mind taking her to the hospital. Leo was born 2 hours later without a swear word, scream or any lack of dignity from my sister. She was too late for any pain relief.

I know these stories probably seem boring and irrelevant, facts about some dead girl that not many other people really knew, but through compiling thousands of these stories together, you can find my sister. I cant say i don't miss her, but if i could have a choice between 26 years with her, or never feeling this pain, of course having her would win hands down. I'm not one to lecture, but be grateful for everyone around you as we are great at making subtle 'rules' for why we and those we love around us wont die, 'I'm too young', 'he's in good health', 'She's really careful', but really anyone could be gone in the next hour. When people die we say, 'but they were going to get married', they had so much potential', 'they will never have kids now' but this is based on a premise that everyone gets to live to old age. This is not true. So for me, its important to live my life appreciating each hour i have with everyone (even those annoying people) because in the end you never get enough time with anyone.