Tx wrote a poignant blog today, basically about becoming jaded at life, and knowing that you are becoming jaded and trying to resist it. I guess her saving grace is that she knows it. I cant tell if I've given up already or not. When i think about going to live abroad as a possibility i love it because it means escaping from all the things i cant fix here (like the kids stabbing each other and not realising what awesome individuals they are). But i get so pissed off with all these educated individuals who want to change the world, but try to do this by organising groups of like minded individuals to spend all their time with and reconfirm with each other over and over again how Capitalism doesn't work.
ARGH. We all know there are problems, but you cant just make up an alternative and go there, you cant avoid mixing with people who are difficult or disagree, you need to work within the failing system, dirty your hands, and get in elbow deep to alter the bits that don't work.
Sometimes i wish i were one of those people, like the white communities of 'artists' beautifully dressed with 'alternative' tattoos and hairstyles loving life and living in Peckham. If you surround yourself in nicety's that's all your going to see. But what about all those kids wandering past their front gates, the ones that cant afford a new school uniform, share a single bed with another teenage sibling and are destined to remain ignored and undiscovered? Do they look out of the window and feel bad that they spent so much on that extra special luminous, sparkly paint for the papermache clothes horse they made?
Well unlike Tx, i am self indulgent, and i choose to blame other people not my perfect self. Man, sometimes working with 'underprivileged' teenagers wrongly empowers you to think you can blame others. I spend so much money on crap, and help so few teenagers in Peckham. Maybe i should just give up, i could do with a new structure on which to hang my washing.
P.S On a lighter note the £20 is Juniors. He gave it to me (us girls?) to get a taxi home. Now that sounds like a sensible idea doesn't it!
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