im obsessed with wanting to know i am doing well. Of making lists and ticking things off, of trying to find a way to gauge progress, or some route through life that shows i am a good person, or at least someone improving.
I am tempted daily to make quantifiable lists of targets so that i can tell i am doing ok.
I am a good mother if:
My children eat a variety of foods each week
Do not eat sweets everyday
The girls make something with me every week
I keep to a rough routine
We have dinner together every night at roughly 6ish
The girls have homemade duvet covers and sheets
I don't swear in front of the children
I am a good wife if:
I do the ironing often so that Xss always has a clean ironed shirt to wear to work
I have sex once a week (oh controversial)
I do the cooking AND the washing up at dinner time as often as possible.
I do the mending
I buy Xss a Chocolate Orange twice a year
I buy presents for Xss's relatives with the knowledge that the day before the occasion he will ask me for help to find them something.
etc
The lists go on, I am a good sister, friend, version of myself, Christian, woman, global resident.
However the truth is much more messy. None of this matters, its hard for me to accept, but none of these scales matter, i could be crap at all of it, but it will still be ok. Life continues. God loves me. That is all that matters
I am a good child if:
Be still and know that i am God Psalm 46:10
2 comments:
Yes! Me too. I like God's patience. And his ability to at times remove our ability to tick the boxes, even though it's not fun to experience, it's teaching me a slightly helpful lesson... today's box - be nice to self and love God.
Debs x
Miss Debs! I'm glad we are still within each other's sphere of existence. Hope you are being nice to yourself in Oxford. I really think the bible encourages us to take time to enjoy being ourselves, as well as being selfless at times, but this is often lost in translation.
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