Saying Goodbye

Yesterday i finished work and said goodbye to my colleagues. I don't like hugs or emotional outbursts (except for teenage ones, like 'i hate you all, goodbye!' said as storming through a doorway and slamming it as punctuation (note to self this is unacceptable as a 'goodbye' to adults i know) but as i walked away from work i realised that the folk there aren't so much colleagues or people who tolerate me and my incessant chatter about Jordan, but possibly, actually, really, friends. I will miss Junior, Rowl and N-Man a lot. Its a shame to leave a job with a good team, as really its the people that make the job isn't it. That's why i left my minimum wage job at McDonalds, people just weren't getting me!

I also went to church for the last time the day before, and they were talking about missing me and XSS too. Its weird being the one going away as in many ways i want to implore people to not go, but its me going, and people are making it sad. Its unspoken, but no-one believes that life will be the same when we get back. There is a distinct feeling of mourning, for all that is good in our lives. Not to put a downer on things, but i guess times change, other people will move on, and it will not be the same as now, not worse, just different (that's what people say when really they mean worse).

As i sat on the bus inching away from Peckham past the numerous houses i have been in, and got to know very well. I feel like i am walking away from the responsibility that i have taken on during my time there. I often feel i have to stop ALL the kids stabbing each other and to help each vulnerable unfulfilled one i see. I know a lot of people don't think it is their responsibility to help sort out these kids, it is not popular to suggest that adults interrupt kids with knives fighting, and we can all blame the demise of society for hurting our kids. But as i step away i am renewed with the belief that the primary people who should be working on these issues are the parents of the ones hurt OR hurting (everyone seems to ask why the police don't stop it instead of looking to themselves).Why doesn't every adult who knows a kid take on responsibility for them? It'd only be a few each rather than expecting the police, schools and social services to be responsible for them all once they've reached a threshold of 'mucked-up-ness

Really though, in a very selfish way, i am hoping that by going away i can leave behind the emotional burden of this, and enjoy another countries youth: I bet the luggage will be waiting for me when i get back, but that's ok.

I'm looking forward to going, but also very nervous. Its hard for me to decide quite what i am worried about but here is what i can deduce:

- Will i be too hot?

- Will the toilets be ok for a number 2?

- Will i get bored?

That's it! Humans are so stupid.

Bikram Yoga? It's full of hot air!

Dear Rowl,

Thanks for the advice: I have now been to Bikram Yoga, and got ringworm. Yes. I got ringworm from a sweaty yoga mat! I did enjoy many aspects of Bikram yoga (yoga in a sauna type room) like the poses where you have to pretend you are flying (i only needed a small amount of encouragement on any day and towels make very good capes!) I also felt that i wasn't terrible at it, which is unusual for me when trying new things.

However, the negative aspects usurped these positives, namely the incident of my naked bum flesh touching a complete strangers naked thigh flesh when trying to squeeze into those titchy showers which even though they pretend to be built for 6 (note no curtains for modesty) should only accommodate one buck naked stranger at a time. This shower appeared to be the lesser of two evils, the other being seen on a tube on the way home in soaking wet, semi see-through cycling shorts and untamable hair which looked like I'd been on an adventure sports weekend. I'm not vain, but its got to be rude to stand up from your tube seat and leave a wet sweat mark for the next person to inherit!

Now i realise that i might be in the process of offending my already nominal blog audience by taking about this, but what is a blog for if it isn't for espousing unqualified opinions about topics only cats care about: I THINK YOGA IS CRAP. There I've said it. I think my body is a pretty technical but well- erm, well.... good machine, i don't think it benefits from an hour of improving my blood flow (if you blood doesn't flow well, doesn't that mean you are already dead?) or from improving my breathing (again, dead if i don't breathe). I can understand that some postures might help these things more than others- but if so, well surely a deportment style finishing school where i am taught to do these continuously as part of life is better than a sweaty 90 minutes, a few times a week. People are convinced that Yoga changed their life; i don't think so. They changed their life whilst attending yoga and they haven't managed to work out what it is they changed. What most people need is to slow down and spend 90minutes a few times a week investing in themselves and feeling good. it is an enforced calm and time to forget about daily hassles, a time to get in touch with your body. Great, but why not diversify, read a book for those 90 mins, watch a film, walk round the park and smell the flowers, have a bath, do proper exercise!


Well i hope that Rowl, Nman and Lovely will forgive me this rant, but you can keep your yoga values, i'm sticking to kick boxing. There were only so many times i could hit the person next to me in yoga and still make it seem like an accident.

So with less modesty, some great new ideas of how to pose as if flying, an ability to breath better and a tasteful array of pink spots i think i have definitely, well and truly earned my Bikram yoga badge.