How long will i love you? As long as the stars are above you.
It's been 17 months and i am taking hesitant steps to recognising my grief. (I think in pictures:)
I have a huge rectangular hole cut out of my sheet metal torso.
You can see through me where the hole is.
It was severed in a matter of minutes by a very large circular saw.
It hurt so much i was numbed by the pain.
I picture you climbing over the banisters, noose in hand.
I picture you calm, and at peace in your actions.
Balancing on the wrong side, silent with fingers sweating in concentration.
how long will i love you? longer, if i can.
People say all sorts of cliche's, like time is a great healer.
But its only now that i realise that there's a gaping great hole in me.
One that i am unable to tell if it is mending or still as big as ever because i am so numb.
I long for the day i can tentatively gentle feel around the sharp jagged edges of this wound.
To hurt myself a new, feeling the hundreds of smaller details of this terrible void.
Defining the edges
Raking into the nothingness to quantify it.
Only once i have a wound can i become accustomed to it.
Only once i can define this can i move forward.
How long will i love you? forever.
2 comments:
Beautifully written LE, thank you for sharing <3
I can't begin to imagine how you must be feeling... but I hope the pain/numbness subsides or the hole begins to feel smaller or less jagged.
Big hugs xx
I am so sorry for your lost LE. I know how much she meant to you. I don't think time will heal, you just learn how to live with it. And yes, you will have her in your heart and love her forever.
XO / yo
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